OK.....those of you that know me personally understand that I also have a talent for understatement when it comes to divulging my personality problems too.
I've said many times that I simply could not be a freelance writer. It's not just that I have a tendency to procrastinate, it's that when it comes to writing I have a tendency to let a story marinate to give it time to congeal properly.
Can you tell by my word choices that I'm hungry? Yeah....moving on.
I don't approach writing as something that you can simply grind out with enough effort. Some writers do, and it works for them. That's great, but it doesn't work for me that way. For instance, I had aspirations of putting a 40000 word dent in my novel this last vacation, but ended up mustering only 7500.
I felt a strong urge to hold off writing any more at the conclusion of the third chapter, and in the past when I've tried to push through that urge it has produced very poor results. Yeah, really, it's that bad.
Generally when this happens, I'm either under the weather, or there's something missing or clunky in the plot that I need to distance myself from for a bit. I took about a week off, and inspiration found me the way it always seems to-halfway through a workday at my day job. I hung on to the concept that will allow the entire novel work in my head all day and noted it when I made it home.
Of course, I have allowed projects to stack up in the intervening week, and I need to finish those up before I can make it back to my novel. Trust me when I say that I now cannot wait to get back to writing. The changes I've come up with to the middle and conclusion of the book will make it so much stronger, and I know everyone will love it. I actually Googled my idea to see if anyone else had already written about it in a novel, and the only thing that I could find was theoretical research-the philosophical kind. It may have already been beaten to death in other novels that I'm not aware of. I have to honestly consider that possibility (But I really know my way around a Google search, so it it has been the books that covered it are not well know at all, and I feel safe calling it unsettled territory).
It truly will be another step up for me, possibly a transcendent one. I've had a tickle in the back of my mind that this novel will be a watershed event for me (in a good way) for awhile.
And that is also a big part of what has cautioned me to take my time with it. Do I expect it to set the world on fire and make me famous?
Not hardly. Besides, if I do end up rich and famous, I have proven I have no problem spending money-I'd somehow muddle through, lol.
The truth? This book scares the shit out of me (YES, I finally admitted it!).
There is so much of me (not my personal life, but so much of who I want to be as a writer) in this book that I am afraid that when I finally cock back the hammer and let my silver bullet fly, no one will even notice the report. This story is the Genesis of my entire d.o.mai.n universe, if I can't get anyone to give a shit about it or if it doesn't resonate with others the way it does with me, the entire trilogy, alternate reality game, and ancillary tales are a waste of time.
I'm not foolish enough to think that I am the only writer to go through this, I'm sure every single one has or will at some point, it's just new to me. And since I work my way through things by writing about them, you all get to read my public confession.
I've used the last week to gather a new perspective. I've used the last week to come to the conclusion that this story, the entire "d.o.mai.n" story, WILL get told-by me. I will load my silver bullet in the revolver, fire it off at query targets when the time comes, and keep reloading.
Yes, I am going to submit this story to agents and try out the traditional publishing channel. I haven't done that yet because I always intended to separate my shorter works from my full length novels. Anything longer than 40000 words will at least be shopped to agents/publishers, and anything shorter (which is where I try out different ideas/styles) will go the self-pub route.
I seem to be coming up with ideas for new projects (I even have ideas for short films and graphic novels, interactive media, etc) faster than I can produce them, which is good. It's a little frustrating as well, but until I can make an honest living with my writing I am going to have to juggle my time.
I'm a little strange, no doubt, but I have pretty mainstream taste and if this story literally gives me goosebumps when I am writing it, then I really can't believe that the majority of the people reading it aren't going to feel likewise.
Of course I may be entirely off the mark.
I may be the ONLY person that likes it- but again, it's all a matter of perspective, and my perspective is now such that the world is going to get this entire story whether it is ready for it or not.
Thanks again for checking out my my site, and as always if you have any questions or comments please contact me through any of the ubiquitous means available.